As my love affair with TV grows, so does my ability to fill a whole day with doing absolutely nothing. This funemployment is only going to have to end because all of my money will soon be gone and I will have to start earning more to support my addiction to eating and having a roof over my head.
Trying to decide exactly WHAT I want to do is the first hurdle, followed by convincing someone to actually pay me to do it, is a task that I have not yet succeeded in completing. I seem to have a lot of skills, but none cultivated enough to equal actual experience that would compel someone to hire me. The skills I’m mastering day by day don’t really seem to translate into anything marketable.
I mean, based on what I’m good at, these are the things I feel I’d be most qualified to do:
- Take over Joel McHale’s job on the Soup.
I’ve already stated how much I love watching TV. If I could do that for a living and then talk about it and people would enjoy listening…the awesomeness is not something I can overlook. Of course, this all would hinge on me being hilarious and looking good in front of the camera (ok, so there are other things this would hinge on that might be a little more immediate…like, the who anonymity thing, the fact that I have zero resources, or whatever.) But I’m willing to believe I’m super funny, and if I need to go on a permanent Special K diet, then, so be it.
- Cocktail Taster
As a cocktail taster, I already excel. In fact, I’m so dedicated to this trade, that I actually pay others to let me taste their concoctions on a regular basis. People know me (at bars), and I think that shows true dedication. I would have to say, that my only real fault in this area is that I’m too much of a perfectionist, and have to try as many cocktails as possible to make sure I don’t overlook any.
- Be Tina Fey’s Best Friend
We share a birthday. I don’t think I need any more reasons. And she’s the GREATEST!
- Facebook Stalker
I’m already so good at this, it should be illegal. Or, not. Definitely not illegal. But, word to the wise, if you put it on facebook, I’ve probably seen it. And I probably know more about you than you realize. (If this sounds creepy, it should.)
I remember back in the day when a bunch of the facebook apps included things like, “Daily Calendar,” and people would use it! People would post their daily schedules on facebook for all to see. And, what more, many of the people who did this didn’t have facebook restrictions. That meant, that anyone who had a computer knew their schedule. So, thanks to facebook, strangers knew your name, age, relationship status, address, and schedule; not to mention probably a list of your fears from your “about me” page. All a predator really needed to do was post on your wall, “I’ll be lurking in the shadows tonight after your Pilates class. Have fun fumbling for your car keys in the dark.”
But, I digress.
Anyway, these are just a few of the things I think I’d be particularly good at. Whether or not they’ll pan out, it’s hard to say. But, as the days wear on, and I find myself more and more looking for jobs in earnest, leaving my bed, working out (what?!), accidentally scattering dozens of copies of my resume at job fairs, and really putting in what they call “effort,” I’m sure I will come across the perfect job that I will most definitely be hired for and will absolutely love!
“Stuff each one of these gift bags with a headshot, some glitter, AND, a decorative hand soap!”
